Letters Home
by tech-17
Summary: The story of Albus's time at Hogwarts told through a series of letters home.
1. Year 1

**Note, this story was originally just by me, tech-17, but it has been edited and now includes replies written by LEPrecon.**

* * *

><p>Letters Home: Year 1<p>

Dear Mum and Dad,

I don't have a lot of time to write this, and I'll be sending it in the morning. Hedwig Jr. will be glad to have a job. I just wanted to tell you that I got sorted into Slytherin. I decided that it won't be so bad. It's not like you told me it was when you were at Hogwarts. Rose is in Ravenclaw. And guess what? Scorpius Malfoy got put in Ravenclaw too! I don't think he'll be like what you told me his dad was like. Oh, and I met Hagrid. He's scary, but he does seem like a nice sort of guy. I just hope he doesn't step on me. I'll write you again when something interesting happens.

_Love, Al_

_Dear Al,_  
><em>I'm happy that you were sorted into Slytherin, Al. After all, not every Potter can be a lion. Either way, tell Rose that Aunt Ginny sends her regards. <em>  
><em>Anyhow, SEND ME AN OWL WHEN SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENS? It can't be possible that your Head of House contacted me and told me something very interesting<em> _indeed. ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER! GOING INTO THE FORBIDDEN FOREST AFTER CURFEW?_  
><em>Stay out of trouble.<em>  
><em>Love, Mum<em>

* * *

><p>Hi Mum. Professor Longbottom says Hi. He sends his love. Stop using me as a messenger to send love to your friends. It's weird! Go back to making James do it. Or send them an owl yourself!<p>

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Okay, I'll let James do it. He's just like you, and says, "Just let Al do it,"<em>  
><em>Sending an owl is not the same as sending love, dear.<em>  
><em>Lots of Love,<em>

_Mum_

_P.S. I should really get your Father to answer some owls._

* * *

><p>Dear Dad,<p>

Why didn't you tell me that you had a chocolate frog card of you? That's so cool! I can't believe you didn't tell me! And Uncle Ron said he was the one who was extremely famous. Does he have a chocolate frog card too? How many of my relatives and your friends have chocolate frog cards of them now?

P.S. Did people stare at you like they do at me? I keep hearing whispers about how I'm a Potter. How did you deal with it?

Love, Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>I have a card? Wow, I didn't know, send me an owl, I want to see it!<em>  
><em>Your mum sends her love. But yes, I believe Uncle Ron may have a card.<em>  
><em>Did you see the one of Albus Dumbledore? You're named after him.<em>  
><em>About the Potter thing, just ignore it.<em>  
><em>Don't hex anyone, don't duel, and most certainly do NOT think of doing dangerous things.<em>  
><em>Love, Dad<em>

* * *

><p>Hi Dad. Remember the story you told me about Buckbeak? I met him today. Hagrid showed him to me even though normally we wouldn't learn about hippogriffs until we're older. I don't think Buckbeak likes me very much. Is that normal?<p>

Love, Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Buckbeak is sure to like you, no problem if he doesn't seem to. He just has a weird way of showing his love. If you get head butted, you're in luck.<em>  
><em>True it is quite normal, but DON'T anger him, and listen carefully to exactly what Hagrid tells you to do.<em>  
><em>Love, Dad<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

We learned to fly today. I'm really good for a first year. Practicing at home helped. Maybe next year I can join the Quidditch team. I'm not as good as you said Dad was. But I'm better than Rose _and_ Scorpius Malfoy so ha!

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>I'm glad to hear! Just be careful around the beaters, and don't try any tricks unless Madame Hooch says you can. Beware of the Bludgers, and don't get in the way of the Keeper.<em>

_Love,_

_Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Dad, You know, Scorpius isn't so bad. I think we might actually get to be friends. I know you didn't like his dad much, but I hope you won't get mad at me.<p>

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Friends with a Malfoy? Eh, he's not like his dad.<em>  
><em>This could lead to some big changes around this household.<em>  
><em>Uncle Ron says make sure that Rose and Scorpius don't get<em>  
><em>too close.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Hi Mum. I just thought you might like to know that James took Dad's Marauder's Map, and finally figured out how to use it. You should send him an owl about it. I wouldn't want him to use it for the wrong things.<p>

Love, Al

P.S. Dad, how _do_ you get the Marauder's Map to work?

_Dear Al,_  
><em>I'm sending a Howler, so be ready for it to humiliate your brother.<em>  
><em>That naughty little worm. Tell him that his pocket money is now on suspension.<em>  
><em>Your father will talk to you about the Map during break. If you have the chance snatch it away from your brother.<em>  
><em>Also, tell him that the Cloak is underneath the slide in the One Eyed-Witch. It might be dirty.<em>  
><em>Love, Mum (and Dad)<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Dad, thanks for telling me how to get into the kitchen. How do I get Kreacher to stop staring at me?<p>

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Kreacher has some...issues. It's best we leave it like that.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Hi Dad. Scorpius just told me that his dad's Patronus is a ferret. I thought you'd think that was funny. What'd you think mine'll be? What year do we learn Patronuses?<p>

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>I don't know what your patronus would be. I think you learn them in the fourth year.<em>

_Love,_

_Mum (Your father is at work)_

* * *

><p>Mum! Dad!<p>

Why'd you name me after Severus Snape? He's creepy! I met him in his portrait because I had to go to Professor McGonagall's office because I lost my wand. I found it, don't worry, but Snape's creepy! Didn't he ever wash his hair? Professor Dumbledore looked kinda weird too, but he was asleep. Snape kept staring at me. What was his problem?

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>There are some things that are best discussed at home, bud.<em>  
><em>It has something to do about your eyes.<em>  
><em>And your grandmother. The one from my side of the family.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Dad, how did you say you get into the Room of Requirement? I forgot.<p>

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>You'll figure it out soon enough.<em>  
><em>Besides, if you need to go in, it should be there.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I know you worry, so I'm writing to you to let you know that yes, I made it back to Hogwarts. So you can stop worrying. Why don't you just get a clock like Grandma Weasley has? Then you wouldn't worry so much.

Love Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Lily misses you very much, and hopes you haven't got into trouble again. Have you? I will see about the clock. Your father thinks its a good idea, but<em>  
><em>I don't.<em>

_Love,_

_Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum, you will probably be getting a letter saying James got into trouble again. Let me say that I had nothing to do with it! I promise! I just happened to be standing there when he got caught! Besides, how was I supposed to know that he had Dad's invisibility cloak? Please don't send me another Howler!<p>

Love Al

_Albus Severus Potter,_  
><em>How do I know that you weren't the one who is lying? After all, that's what your brother said. I need to have a talk with both of you, once you get home for Easter Break.<em>

_Love,_

_Mum_

* * *

><p>Dearest Mother and Father,<p>

I am writing to you to ask if it would be at all possible for you to send me a new copy of my Potions textbook. Due to an accident that was not my all fault, the back half of it got burned up. I'm really sorry, and I know you got really mad when I ruined my Transfiguration book, but I swear it wasn't my fault! It was Chase MacDouggen who made his cauldron explode on my book! He's a muggle-born, and gets confused really easily. So can you please get me a new book?

I love you very much, Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>You probably spilled the potion on the book, which I need to admit would probably not be ALL your fault. I'll cut you some slack. Yes I'm sending you a book by owl. And be careful with this one, and when you open it, you'll know why.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Thanks Dad!<p>

Does Mum know you wrote notes in my Potion's book? Well it really helped.

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Thank Severus Snape, or The Half-Blood Prince.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Dad, Rose borrowed a bunch of the owl treats I got for Hedwig Jr. and gave them to Pig Jr. She paid me back though. I'm sending you the money, can you send me some more? Thanks.<p>

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>No problem, they are in the packet on Hedwig Jr.'s left leg. One question, DID YOU LET ROSE GO THROUGH THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT<em>  
><em>TO GET IT? SHE SHOULD BE SAFE AT HOME, AWAY FROM YOUR SHENANIGANS. STAY OUT OF TROUBLE,<em>

_Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

Exams are over. I think I did OK. I'm just glad to be done! Rose acted just like you said her Mum did, but she did help me study, so I'm glad she's so smart. But don't tell anyone I said that, OK?

Love, Al

_Of course Rose is smart, her mum _is_ the brightest witch of our age. Just wait until OWLs get here, then you'll be really glad to have a smart cousin._

_Love, Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I'll be home soon. I can't wait to see you!

Love, Albus

* * *

><p><strong>Those who give useful reviews will be given a cookie.<strong>

**Those who give nice but unhelpful reviews will be given a half-eaten cookie.**

**Those who give useful but mean reviews will be poked with a stick then given a cookie.**

**Those who give mean and unhelpful reviews will just be poked with a stick_._**


	2. Year 2

Letters Home: Year 2

_**Author note: I had a review pointing out that I need to make sure to actually make Al like a Slytherin. I agree with what was said, but I feel it necessary to point out that he is writing to his parents. He won't tell them all of his Slytherin things that he does. Also, writing from a guy's POV isn't easy cause I don't know how they think. So I apologize in advance for anything especially odd. Also, I apologize for writing like an American, I tried to avoid it.**_

_**As always, replies by LEPrecon  
><strong>_

Dear Mum and Dad,

Yes, I made it back to Hogwarts alive. Don't be so surprised. I don't have a whole lot of enemies like Dad did. Seriously though, Mum needs to get a clock like Grandma Weasley has. it would save me so much trouble. I'm 12 years old. I can't write to my parents all the time, I have to study. And do stuff with my friends. Anyway, I petted a Thestral. It took me a minute of feeling around to find it, but I really wanted to feel it. It felt weird. I won't be touching them again if I can help it. Don't expect any more letters this long, I don't have time, but since it's the beginning of the year, I'm being nice. I met Scorp's little sister. Her name's Mira. She's in Slytherin like me and she acts like it. I think her dad told her to hate Potters and Weasleys, because she already hexed me, tried to hex James, and was going to hex Rose before Scorp stopped her. Anyway, I think this letter is long enough now, I'll write to you next time I have time.

Love, Al

_Dear Al,_

_Well, I hope you DON'T make as many enemies as you father. Should I get a clock like Grandma Weasely? I don't believe so young man. Your father wants to tell you don't ever ride one if you can. Uncle Ron says it feels quite ludicrous sitting on a flying piece of air. _  
><em>Do not duel anyone! Albus Severus Potter you are not to hex ANYONE. To make my meaning clear I might need to send a Howler, what do you say?<em>

_Love, Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I met your friend Moaning Myrtle. Apparently she's taken to stalking other bathrooms. Usually they guy's bathrooms. She's so creepy, how did she not drive you mad? Anyway, I told her to go introduce herself to some first year Hufflepuff boys. They totally freaked out, it was hilarious.

Al

_Dear Al,_

_Please don't let her into the baths. I know it seems funny to scare the first years, but I promise not to tell your mother._  
><em>Anyway, what is up with Castor and Pollux? I received an owl concerning a little "frolick" out in the Forbidden Forest. Don't let any other foolishness drag you from your studies, and okay, that last sentence was from your Aunt Hermione.<em>

_Love, Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle George,<p>

I have a WWW request. My friend Scorpius is terrified of snakes. Can you make a trick wand that looks like his that turns into a snake? His wand is Hawthorn, 9 inches long. If you could, make the snake sort of Slytheriney. Scorp told me that he was terrified of getting put in Slytherin because of all the snakes. And if you could, don't tell Mum and Dad.

Thanks, Al

_Dear Little Itty Bitty Witty Cutsey Wutsey nephew Albus,_  
><em>Sorry? Did I read your request right? CAN I make a trick snake wand? Ah yes, sure that would be five Knuts considering that you are such a good little nephew aren't you? And a little favor, next letters you must address me as O Great Master Prankster of Hogwarts.<em>  
><em>I'll disguise the package; I think it should be coming in a day or two.<em>  
><em>Much Love of Pranking,<em>

_Uncle George_

* * *

><p>Thanks O Great Master Prankster of Hogwarts for the WWW stuff. Do I really have to call you that from now on? Besides, weren't the Marauders better pranksters than you?<p>

Just kidding, Al

P.S. Please don't hex me next time you see me.

_Dear Al,_

_Your welcome and yes, I must say, yes, they were. You might get off with a Bat Boogey Hex, but alas, the pranking went well. I have installed a tracker spell into the wand. He went crazy. You didn't activate the wand right. You pretend to be inspecting it turn it around end to tip thrice in your hand and in a minute hand it to your friend. The wand activates faster that way._  
><em>Much Love of Pranking,<em>

_Uncle George_

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle George, Great Master Prankster of Hogwarts,<p>

What's the best way to dye a person's hair a funny color without them knowing? I'm going to dye Mira Malfoy's hair red and gold, since she doesn't much like Gryffindor. Also keep in mind that I probably won't be able to do it when she's asleep cause I can't get into the girl's dorms. What do you suggest?

Sincerely, Albus S. Potter, future Master Prankster of Hogwarts.

_Dear Al,_

_Dying the hair? I have been testing a little hair dye. Simply retrieve a soap bottle fill it with WWW color "Gryffindor" and hand it to the one you wish to change the color of the hair. You might notice they have a few side effects that I haven't gotten rid of yet, some excessive drinking, and she might act like she's drunk for the next few days. There is also a few effects that will happen with the dye, colors might fade and reappear. And a Slytherin you say? Well, well, well, you are learning well. I shall take you under my wing after you graduate._  
><em>Much Love of Pranking,<em>

_Uncle George_

* * *

><p>Dearest Mum,<p>

You may have already received an owl from school, and if you haven't, you will be. I just want to say that it wasn't entirely my fault. those Italian twins, Castor and Pollux Cassini from a year above me were sneaking out, so I followed them. I figured they were up to no good. They act like the Slytherins from when you were at Hogwarts. Then Filch caught them, but he didn't get me, but then Professor McGonagall caught me and gave me detention. So I was just trying to do what was right. Like when Dad stalked Scorp's dad when they were in sixth year. They might be plotting something. Remember, Dad said Mr. Malfoy was plotting something and no one would believe him, and then he was right! By following them, I could prevent another war! Think about that before you punish me.

Love, Al

_Dear Albus Severus Potter,_  
><em>Is that your excuse for getting in detention more than all the Gryffindor second years put together? By the way, Scorpius is quite unlike is father. Now, should I punish you? Maybe I shouldn't, but if you don't keep your sorry butt out of trouble for the next few months your pocket money is getting cut off. Or, I could not sign your Hogsmede permission slip.<em>

_Love, Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle George, Great Master Prankster of Hogwarts,<p>

The hair dye worked great! Mira's really mad. The gold appearing and disappearing was a nice touch. You should do all four houses' colors and sell them in your shop. They would be great for pranks and for showing house spirit during Quidditch matches. And since I had this wonderful idea, you should give me some free samples. Please? If I solemnly swear that I will use them for no good?

Sincerely, Albus S. Potter, future Master Prankster of Hogwarts.

_Dear Al,_

_That was a good idea don't you think? Anyway all the colors? I'm having a little trouble with the Ravenclaw colors. I have the rest of the houses out in a large stock in the middle of the shop. You wouldn't believe how fast they're selling out. Anyway, since you have brought me such happiness, of course you can have a discount, five Galleons off any item in the store._

_Much Love of Pranking,_

_Uncle George_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I've been learning to play the drums. The DADA teacher, Mr. Voepel knows a bunch of instruments, but he talks funny cause he's from Germany. He's teaching Rose piano and Scorpius drums. It's really fun, but I need a better set of drumsticks. Do you think you could get some and send them to me?

Love, Al, Future Drummer Extraordinaire

_Dear Al,_

_I had my turn with the drums with your Uncle Ron banging away all day. Use your pocket money! Better drumsticks my shoe._

_Love, Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum,<p>

I love you, I really do, but did you really have to send that thing to me for my birthday? I mean, it's bad enough that Grandma Weasley sent me that awful sweater, but you couldn't send me something cool? James gave me drumsticks. I really don't need any more clothes. So, thank you, Mum, for thinking of me on my birthday, but please, don't send me anymore clothes.

Love, Al

_Dear Al,_

_Yes I did, I was afraid you were going to be cold in the winter. Be nice to Grandma Weasely she put a lot of effort and thought into those sweaters._

_Love, Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Dad,<p>

What's the best way to sneak out after curfew? I have to to help Rose because Scorp keeps taking her books and hiding them in the Room of Requirement, and the only way to get them back is after curfew. Also, do you know of a way to keep him from taking her books in the first place? He may be my best friend, but Rose is my cousin.

Love, Al

P.S. Please don't tell Uncle Ron or Aunt Hermione. Rose doesn't know I'm writing to you about this, she wants to work it out without adult help. I'm not asking for help, just advice.

_Dear Al,_

_The best way to sneak out is through the window of the common room. Get Neville to show you Gillyweed, and you can swim through the lake. It might be cold and scary, but say hi to the mermaids for me. Just warning you, don't get on their bad side then the attack. Anyway, I was just kidding about the first idea. Tell someone! But Rose doesn't need the textbooks. She can borrow her mum's._

_Love, Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

Can you believe it, Aunt Hermione is trying to start up S.P.E.W. again! And James is helping her! Did you bribe him or something? I don't see what her big deal is, I like the house elves. Do you think if I tell her I promise to be nice to them and make them happy she'll leave me alone?

Al

_Dear Al,_

_Do not interfere with S.P.E.W. I learned my lesson. James is helping because he wants to._

_Love, Dad_

* * *

><p>Hey Dad,<p>

Remember how you told me you had a really hard time in Potions because of Professor Snape? Well, I did great in Potions this year, but more importantly, Scorpius Malfoy's failing Herbology. He's close to Rose in every other class, but I think Professor Longbottom still has a bit of a grudge against Malfoys, and has decided to take it out of Scorp's Herbology grades. I tried to help him, and even blackmailed Rose into helping a little, but he just keeps having trouble. We have officially given up, and Scorp's going to drop the class as soon as he can. Since we gave up, now it's kind of funny. And don't tell Uncle Neville, but I think Herbology's stupid.

Love Al

_Dear Al,_

_Professer Slughorn is very nice, and I expect you to do well. Neville is nice, but taking it out on a Malfoy's grades is something he always wanted to do his whole life. Herbology is going to help you, it prevented Uncle Ron and your cousin along with me from being killed. Stay in Herbology and it'll take a turn for the better in the fourth year. Come safely home!_

_Love, Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I'll be home soon. I can't wait to see you!

Love, Albus

**Author note: reviews are greatly appreciated. Especially if you can tell me, did I do OK with the balance between Slytherin and a kid writing to his Gryffindor parents. Also did I do OK writing as a kid, and as a boy? To those who aren't American, did I do OK with avoiding American slang and such?**


	3. Year 3

Letters Home: Year 3

**As always, replies by LEPrecon.**

* * *

><p>Dear Dad,<p>

Remember that Creevy kid you told me about? The younger one? His kid's a first year now, and he won't stop following me around. We aren't even in the same house! He's got this Muggle camera and he takes pictures of everything! How should I get rid of this guy? And how much trouble do you think will I get in for hexing him until he goes away?

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Just let him follow you and distract him with something better, like the most popular girl or something.<em>  
><em>If you want him to go away, just be really attached to him for a few days, and he'll think that you're weird. Getting into trouble for hexing him till he goes away, what are you thinking?<em>  
><em>Did mum not make it clear that you were not to duel, hex, or do potentially dangerous things while you're in Hogwarts? I think, personally, if you aren't caught maybe he'll go away...<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I tried out for the Quidditch team. And I'm Slytherin's new chaser! Scorp tried out for his team too, he's chaser for Ravenclaw. Which is great for him, but when Slytherin plays Ravenclaw it's gonna be a pain. Of course, playing Gryffindor will be a pain too, because of James. The Hufflepuffs will be fine to play though. They won't know what hit them! Rosie tried out too, but there was only one opening on the Ravenclaw team this year. She said she'll try out again next year. Having friends in two other houses is hard.

Love, Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Congratulations on making the team! If you play Ravenclaw, make sure to knock 'em dead.<em>  
><em>Anyway, so having friends in two different houses is not that bad. You can get to know all their friends and such. It makes being popular a breeze.<em>

_Love,_

_Mum_

* * *

><p>Alright Dad, it's official, you gave me the worst name possible. Even worse than Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy. I mean really? Albus Severus? What were you thinking? So, I had to go to the headmaster's office because I was at Hagrid's and his clock was broken so I ended up being out after curfew, and then I had to sneak back in, but the doors were locked, so I took James's boom from the shed and flew up to the Ravenclaw tower and Scorp let me in, but then I got caught going back to the Slytherin dorms. And I had James's broom with me so I had to go explain it to McGonagall. While I was in her office I had to sit there by myself for a minute, and I was looking around at the paintings of all of the old headmasters, and when I got to Dumbledore's picture he was gone, and then I popped out behind me in one of the other pictures and freaked me out. And then Snape started laughing at me. Then he was like, "Ooh, you have Lily's eyes" and I said, "No, my sister's eyes are brown" and he laughed at me and said not that Lily and then he just kept staring at me. They're <span>SOOOO<span> creepy! Why couldn't you give me a cool name like James?

Love, Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Yes, I have heard about that little incident. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO<em>  
><em>STAY OUT OF TROUBLE? <em>  
><em>Naming you after two wonderful Headmasters is okay! And don't complain about your name.<em>  
><em>Snape was a shady character at best, but in the end, he was the one who defended Hogwarts bravely. Dumbledore was the most powerful wizard in the whole wizarding world, not counting Voldemort. James is such a boring name, your dad says. So don't complain.<em>

_Love,_

_Mum_  
><em>P.S. Your father is busy, so he couldn't answer your owl.<em> 

* * *

><p>Dear Parents,<p>

I hate Mira Malfoy! She's such a pest! I know she's in Slytherin, but that doesn't give her the right to be a jerk! Anyway, I'm in an all out prank war with her now. And my so called "best friend" won't help me because she's his sister. Rose is pretty helpful though. I had no idea she knew that many hexes and jinxes! Freddy and James help me a bit too, and Mira's got a group of followers to help her. She plays dirty, getting sixth and seventh years to help. She even recruited Garret Goyle, though I don't know why, for a sixth year, he's so stupid. I heard that he actually had to repeat fifth year because he failed all of his OWLs! Do you know of any really good pranks that she won't expect or be able to predict?

Al

**_ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER! WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO DO? YOU CANNOT HEX OR JINX ANYONE! SIMPLY PRANKING THEM IS OKAY, BUT WITH CURSES FLYING EVERYWHERE, IT'S NOT JUST A PRANK WAR, IT IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS! AND NO, I WILL NOT TELL YOU HOW TO USE ANY JINXES. IF YOU WANT TO LEARN SOME, PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS, AND TALK TO YOUR FATHER!_**

_Mum_

_(That was a Howler)_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

Do you know how to get something unstuck that had a permanent sticking charm on it? I stuck Cassidy Davis's toad to the ceiling of the common room. I meant for it to be temporary, but I got the charms mixed up, I'm no good at Charms and Scorpius wasn't exactly clear on the difference between permanent and temporary. Apparently the only difference is the wand movement. And so now there's a toad stuck to the common room ceiling, and nobody wants to tell the teachers because no one else knows who actually did it. And I feel kind of bad for Cassidy, not to mention it peed on my head yesterday. So I need to get it down. Any advice?

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>I expect that there actually is no reversal for a Permanent Sticking Charm. That's what it's made for is it not?<em>  
><em>If the toad is still stuck up there, you might want to tell Professor Flitwick. I think he know a solution, but the toad's butt skin may still be up there for a while.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Dad,<p>

Is it a bad thing that I dyed Filch's new cat (Chuck) green? How old is Filch anyway?

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>No, I guess not. Filch is a a Squib, and they practically live forever. And no, I do not know how old he is.<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle George,<p>

How can I keep Filch's cat green with him thinking it's back to normal?

Al

_Dear Albuster,_  
><em>You can try our Mind-Oogling Muchies. Slip in in his Pumpkin Juice. <em>  
><em>Much Love of Pranking,<em>  
><em>Uncle George<em>  
><em>P.S. Why did you not address me by the name we agreed on?<em> 

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

Is it actually possible to scare someone to death? Because I think I might have accidentally done that to Filch. He's in St. Mungo's now in a coma because he got caught in one of Scorp and my's pranks and apparently it really freaked him out. I'm kinda worried now cause I didn't want to kill the guy.

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Filch WAS going to die anyway.<em>  
><em>I don't care, your mum does...<em>

_Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

Slytherin won the Quidditch cup! Ha ha take that Gryffindors! Sorry, I couldn't resist. Don't worry, James already made me pay for my happiness, you don't have to yell at me too.

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>We won't laugh at you. James is a bad sport, he won the Cup last year. Just tell James, and good luck. His owl is out hunting at the moment.<em>

_Love,_

_Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

See you soon!

Al

_Dear Al,_  
><em>Love you too! Come home safe!<em>

_Love,_

_Mum and Dad_

* * *

><p><strong>Author note: I have borrowed various pranks from Marauder and Gred and Forge fics, so if the authors recognize them, I hope they don't mind me borrowing your awesomeness. If you want it removed, prove you came up with it and I will honor that.<strong>

**Advice? Ideas?  
><strong>

_**Reviews are greatly appreciated. Flames will be poked with a stick.**_


	4. Year 4

Letters Home: Year 4

Replies by LEPrecon

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I am writing to you on behalf of my best friend and favorite cousin, in the hopes that you, being Uncle Ron's sister and best friend, can make sure he doesn't kill anybody when he finds out what I am about to tell you. Also, if you could prevent a howler, that would be great, but I understand if that just doesn't happen. See, Scorpius and Rose are dating, and Uncle Ron's gonna have a fit when he finds out. So I said I would owl you before Rose owls her dad, and maybe you can sedate him or something. Actually, Mum, you're sort of friends with Scorp's mum, right? You should probably warn her too.

Sincerely, Al

_Dear Al,  
>This isn't really anything that I could do anything about. After all, love is love. Since this wasn't your problem I won't send a Howler, but Uncle Ron might. Sedating him just isn't a thing that I would have the power to do, even though I'm his sister. This is Uncle Ron's judgment and the problem is Rose's to tell. I'm sorry I couldn't do more.<br>Love,  
>Mum<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle Ron,<p>

You were right, Divination is rubbish, but it is very easy. Predicating my death is fun. Trelawney'll believe anything.

Al

_Dear Albus,  
>Well, yes, your father and I used to predict our deaths in horrible ways, and we all got O's. Just beware on your end-of-term test, she gets even crazier. I heard that Rose and Scorpius are dating from your mum. Is that true? This better not be a joke. Oh, here comes an owl from her now.<br>Uncle Ron_

* * *

><p>Dear Dad,<p>

Well, evidently Filch recovered from his scare last year, because he's back, prowling the halls, scaring innocent firsties, yelling at Freddy and James, and muttering about torture options. And get this, he found some long lost cousin of his, goes by the name of Hobbs. He's just as crazy as Filch, and Filch is training him to take over! This is not good! And what's worse, he isn't a squib, but he was at some American magic school and got expelled, so he does magic about as well as Hagrid, and just like Hagrid, he actually tries it sometimes.

Al

_Dear Al,  
>That's nice dear.<br>Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Dad,<p>

I have a fan club. And it's really annoying. James won't let me use the Map or the Cloak for avoidance tactics, so I have a bunch of stalkers. According to Rose's dorm mates, I'm 'one of Hogwarts' sexiest boys'. Which kind of scares me. Scorp's got a fan club to, but I'm a Potter, so I have more fan girls. What the heck am I supposed to do? I can't even study in peace! And poor Rose keeps getting dirty looks from girls because she spends so much time with Scorp and me. How do I stop this madness? Or at least avoid it?

Al

_Dear Al,  
>I do think that you might be one of the stalked boys. Ah, firsties tend to use 'sexy' on most of the fourth years. To have, second and third years say that... well it does seem you're the popular boy. You should get the Head Boy to sort things out, if not the Head of House will help you with that problem<br>Love,_

_Dad_

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle George,<p>

I need a way to avoid my stalkers. James won't let me have the Map. Do you know of any way for me to copy it? Or just a way to ditch these crazy girls? And please don't tell me to get a girlfriend, I'm not going out with someone who stalks me, and the girls who don't stalk me are either too old or don't like me. Do you think I could hex all of their eyebrows purple?

Al

_Dear Al,  
>Well you can hex their eyebrows purple except for the fact that you'll get detention (which I personally don't care about.) Your mum will kill me if she finds out I said that...don't tell her... Either way, the girls will think you're into them. The more you ignore the more they'll get attached. Trust me, I know. By the way, you could mix love potions into their Pumpkin Juice. Then they'll get attached to the first boy they see. Just make sure you're far faaaaaar away from them.<br>Much Love of Pranking,  
>Uncle George<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Dad,<p>

Can you write to James and convince him that it wasn't me who covered the Gryffindor common room ceiling with Bernie Bott's Beans? Because it really wasn't me. It was my idea, but it was a couple of fifth year girls who overheard me telling Scorpius the idea and decided to do it themselves. But James thinks it's me cause I know the Gryffindor password because of him and Lily both being in Gryffindor. Well, actually, James didn't want me to have the password but Lily gave it to me. And now James is out to get me. Help!

Al

_Dear Al,  
>No prob. Mum's writing an owl out to him right now. But on the bright side, you can tell him that he can get free candy every day.<br>Love,  
>Dad<br>P.S. Lily gave you the password?_

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle Percy,<p>

I appreciate that lovely letter you sent me on the perks of not pranking. What did you write it with? It caught fire really quickly. Just kidding, I gave it to James.

Al

_Dear Albus,  
>I do believe that the fact of hexing you peers is not the true way to interact with the kind of people that you will be working, though indirectly, with for most of your life after school. If you do not create a lasting relationship with many of the soon-to-be important people, then your life might be drastically ruined. I am sure James is very delighted to have such a wonderful brother as to help him learn the right way of communicating with other students within the walls of Hogwarts.<br>My Regards,  
>Uncle Percy<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

Scorp, Rose and I formed a band with Lysander and Lorcan and Alice Longbottom, who sings amazingly well. The twins have the weirdest instruments, but they sound awesome. We need a name now. Any ideas?

Al

_Dear Al,  
>Well, that's wonderful! Your Uncle Percy decided that it was his last very informative owl that helped you through your 'crisis'. Anyway, I think a few names could be:<br>(From Uncle Percy): Interaction Through Music  
>(From Uncle Ron): Flying Threstrals<br>(From Uncle George): The WWW Band  
>(From Uncle Bill): Rolling Wizards<br>(From Uncle Charlie): The Rolling Wands. *Hey! Bill you stole my idea!*_

_(From Grandad Weasley): The Bugs I think he's trying to copy Muggles again.  
>Love,<br>Mum  
>P.S. I do not have any names that I wish to share to you.<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Mum,<p>

Thanks, some of those are pretty good. We were thinking something like, Accio Drumsticks, or Possessed Hippogriffs. What do you think? Scorp's dad suggested Malfoy and Backup, but Scorp just laughed and tore it up.

Al

_Dear Al,_

_You do what you think is best, but they boys voted on it for you, and they like Possessed Hippogriffs._

_Love, _

_Mum_

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle George,<p>

What's the best way to bribe Freddy into helping me with something? Or blackmail would work too.

Al

_Dear Al,  
>Well, show him an incriminating picture of a family member... OOH... I can send him his mum's.<br>It'll be coming soon. _

_Much Love of Pranking,  
>Uncle George<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Uncle George,<p>

Do you have any more incriminating pictures of our family members? Like Uncle Ron?

Al

_Dear Al,  
>Yes, I believe I do. My favorite is the fourth year Triwizard Yule Ball photo. Your Uncle Ron was dressed like a turkey.<br>Much Love of Pranking,  
>Uncle George<br>P.S. I have a question, what are you using it for?_

* * *

><p>My Dear Uncle George,<p>

Surely you don't honestly think I would tell you why I need blackmail! You taught me better than that! Besides, I can't put it in a letter, what if it was intercepted! I'll tell you over the summer, maybe you can help.

Al

_Al,_

_Ah, you are learning. Good boy._

_Much Love of Pranking,  
>Uncle George<em>

* * *

><p>Dear Mum and Dad,<p>

I'll be home soon.

Love, Al

* * *

><p><em>Dear Al,<br>Miss you, come home safe!  
>Lots of Love,<br>Mum and Dad _


	5. Year 5

Letters Home: Year 5

Replies by LEPrecon

At long last: year 5!

Dear Teddy,

You owe me 5 Galleons, I'm not prefect! Told you! Ha ha! I told you, Potters aren't prefects! In your face! Rose is though for Ravenclaw. Both Slytherin prefects are muggleborns. What are the odds of that!

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_I HATE YOUR FACE!__  
><em>_Teddy__  
><em>_P.S. I am NOT giving you __my__ pocket money anyway._

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_It's that time of year again!__  
><em>_Study hard for you OWLs. Pay attention in class, try not to procrastinate on your homework, and work hard! It's not all about Quidditch, try to remember that. I have prepared you a special Homework reminder book that I gave your dad for Christmas in his 5th year.__  
><em>_Try to stay on top of your studies, don't get detention, and eat three meals a day.__  
><em>_Love, Aunt Hermione_

Dear Aunt Hermione,

I know I need to study for OWLs. Don't worry, I will. Rose will make me. But I've only been back for three weeks. Give a guy a break!

Al

Dearest Mum and Dad,

Remember last year, when Rose told Uncle Ron that she was dating Scorpius? Remember that stuff you said about how we shouldn't judge based on last names, and how the Malfoys aren't bad anymore? Also, Dad, if you could keep in mind that people can change their minds about if they hate someone or not, like your parents. OK. I'm gonna tell you. I'm dating Mira Malfoy. Scorp's sister. The one I said I hated. She's not that bad. Please don't kill me! I invited her to come home with Scorpius for Christmas. That's OK right? Great!

Love, Al

_Dear Albus Severus Potter,__  
><em>_WHAT IN MERLIN'S BEARD WERE YOU THINKING?__  
><em>_(Ink splatter)__  
><em>_Al, it's your mum, I don't care about who you date as long was your love is true. Simply remember to try not to anger your Uncle. He's delicate with Rose's__  
><em>_relationship already.__  
><em>_Love, Mum_

Dear Uncle Charlie,

You are my new favorite Uncle. (Don't tell Uncle George that though, he's nicer when he thinks I like him best.) This was one of my best birthday presents ever! Autographed Weird Sisters drumsticks! You Rock!

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Hey, no problem! You won't believe what I got you for Christmas.__  
><em>_But, um, don't tell your mum.__  
><em>_It does have a 62% rate that it just might get you expelled.__  
><em>_Love, Uncle Charlie_

Dear Dad,

What's the best way to get a girl to forgive me for making a stupid comment that apparently offended her? Cause Mira's mad at me because apparently I said something stupid, and I don't even remember what I said, and now I don't know what to do.

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Just kiss her.__  
><em>_Love, Dad_

Dear Mum and Dad,

Scorpius and Mira invited Rose and me to visit them at their house over the Easter holidays, since Scorp always comes over to our house or the Burrow. Is that OK?

Love Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Don't worry, just use your manners around their parents. Don't worry if Draco gets a little creepy when you say you're dating Mira. He has Potter issues.__  
><em>_Love, Mum_

Dear Uncle George,

Scorp and I beat you and Uncle Fred's record for most detentions in a month. Don't tell my parents though, Mum'll kill me!

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Ehem? This is like the third time you refused to greet me with my title. Once more then I'll cut off your Instant Darkness Powder supply.__  
><em>_Wow, I thought that nobody could beat my record. Didn't your Aunt Hermione tell you specifically to stay __out__ of detention?__  
><em>_Much Love of Pranking, Uncle George_

Dear Aunt Hermione,

Do you have any advice for how to study for OWLs without going crazy? Keep in mind that I can't handle as intense studying as you can.

Al

_Dear Albus,__  
><em>_Well, study in complete quiet, in a bare, empty classroom, with no distractions and extra noises._

_Then you surround yourself with books from the library and your texts that you must learn.__  
><em>_Make a precise list of things you need to accomplish...__  
><em>_Then give yourself some slight motivation. You should do this any time that you are free.__  
><em>_Love, Aunt Hermione__  
><em>_P.S. Just to let you know, it is not that intense of studying. You can do much better than this__flimsy thing._

Dear Dad,

Why did you have to call me out in class today? I mean, it was really cool that you came to speak, but you know I'm no good at remembering facts! If you had asked me to demonstrate something great, but you had to ask me about facts?

Al

_Al,__  
><em>_Remembering someone's name is not that hard. Especially if it is in your textbook, open in front of__your face. Particularly if that person is the one you're named after. And the betrayer of most evil dark wizard in all of history.__  
><em>_I just think that you weren't paying much attention.__ To busy staring at Mira perhaps? __She__ was paying attention.__  
><em>_Love, Dad_

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_I am disappointed with the lack of letters and news that you are mailing home. Is everything alright?__  
><em>_Love, Mum__  
><em>_P.S. I simply care about your well being_

Dear Mum,

I know I don't' write as much as I used to. I'm sorry. But can you really blame me? I'm 15, I can't always be writing to my parents. I do love you, but I'm busy with homework and stuff. You understand, right?

Al

Dear Aunt Hermione,

Do you remember that memory charm you taught me last year? I forgot the want movement. What was it?

Thanks, Al

_Dear Albus,__  
><em>_Perpetuam memoriam__, and you move your wand with a sharp upwards movement.__  
><em>_Last time I taught you Uncle, he jabbed me in the eye.__  
><em>_Be careful with that spell, if you do it wrong, you might end up with extreme cases__  
><em>_of hair loss. Tell me you haven't done that spell wrong now!__  
><em>_Love, Aunt Hermione_

Dear Uncle Ron,

What's the best way to deal with a best friend/cousin who won't shut up about OWLs? You ought to know, you live with Rose and Aunt Hermione.

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Tape their mouth shut. Worked for me. Then you might want to purchase a suit of armor. Get ready to be in the hospital wing, soon. Very soon.__  
><em>_But, if you don't wish to regrow your bones and be attacked by paper canaries, then__  
><em>_just let them keep talking...on and on.__  
><em>_Love, Uncle Ron_

Dear Uncle Ron,

Umm, thanks, I guess. I suppose I can use all the help I can get for OWLs. But no offence, I think I'm a bit better at Divination than you. And what do you mean just let Rose go on about OWLs? Do you want my brain to explode? You had it alright, cause Aunt Hermione would talk at you and my dad, but I have to listen to Rose and Scorpius go on about it! What's the best way to fake listening to someone without them noticing?

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Keep nodding your head and looking at them straight in the eye. Then you can zone out.__  
><em>_Love, Uncle Ron__  
><em>_P.S. It might concur with a few slaps upside the head the first few tries._

Dear Uncle George,

You are the most amazing wizard ever! Making something that listens for you and tells you the important points later? Genius! Of course you know this will be banned at Hogwarts as soon as it hits the shelves, don't you? You need to disguise it. Maybe make it seem like something to help you pay attention?

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Hmm. I will take this into consideration. Or maybe just let those who are smart enough to acquire and hide it have it. Think about this: you could have a pretty good black market going. A little cash for yourself perhaps?_

Dear Uncle George,

Do you have any advice for an epic prank to diffuse the tension of upcoming OWLs?

Thanks, Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_Duh, obviously, we've been stocking up since the Umbridge incident.__  
><em>_Mailing to you by owl at the moment.__  
><em>_If you let it loose in the hallway, run, and I mean it. It might get you expelled. 98.9% of the time.__  
><em>_Much Love of Pranking, Uncle George_

Dear Uncle George,

That sounds great, but do you have any ideas that have less of a 50% chance of me being expelled?

Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_No. Not at all. There are those Stress Relieving Syrups that Trelawney has though.__  
><em>_Much Love of Pranking, Uncle George_

Dear Mum and Dad,

OWLs are finally over! I did best in DADA I think. Rose is of course worried sick that she didn't do well, but I bet she got all Os. Actually, on second thought, she probably got an E in History of Magic. I probably got a P. That class is so blood boring! Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow.

Love, Al

_Dear Al,__  
><em>_That's wonderful! I do think you got better than a P in History of Magic.__  
><em>_That's what I got I believe, and I fell asleep in the middle.__  
><em>_Love, Dad_


End file.
